The Payne In The Blog (Cake Love) Read online

  The Payne In The Blog

  By Elizabeth Lynx

  Dedication

  To all the strong women out there who love what they love and are not afraid to let the world know!

  Information

  For more information about this series and much more check out my website

  http://www.elizabeth-lynx.com/

  Copyright 2015 Elizabeth Lynx

  Published by Elizabeth Lynx

  Cover Photo by Voyagerix

  Cover Design by Elizabeth Lynx

  This book is a work of fiction. Any similarities to situations, locations, persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  License Notes

  Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

  Table of Contents

  The Payne In The Blog

  Dedication

  Information

  Table of Contents

  STORIES by ELIZABETH LYNX

  Introduction

  Chapter 1 - THE Interview...

  Chapter 2 - THE After Effects...

  Chapter 3 - THE Letter...

  Chapter 4 - THE Paperwork...

  Chapter 5 - THE Incident...

  Chapter 6 - THE Cake...

  Chapter 7 - THE Holiday Party...

  Chapter 8 - THE Zipper Incident...

  Chapter 9 - THE Payneful Reminder...

  Chapter 10 - THE New Year...

  Chapter 11 - THE Assistant...

  Chapter 12 - THE Phone Call...

  Chapter 13 - THE Truce...

  Chapter 14 - THE Let Down...

  Chapter 15 - THE Joint...

  Chapter 16 - THE Bathroom...

  Chapter 17 - THE Jackoff...

  Chapter 18 - THE Confrontation...

  Chapter 19 - THE Beggar...

  Chapter 20 - THE Leave...

  Chapter 21 - THE Club...

  Chapter 22 - THE Payne Perspective...

  Chapter 23 - THE Sleepover

  Chapter 24 - THE Big Movie...

  Chapter 25 - THE Disagreement...

  Chapter 26 - THE New Job...

  Chapter 27 - THE Meeting...

  Chapter 28 - THE Birthday...

  Chapter 29 - THE Drunk Dial...

  Chapter 30 - THE Talk...

  NOTE TO READERS

  PEEK INSIDE: RULES OF PAYNE

  PEEK INSIDE: THE ATTRACTION FILE

  PEEK INSIDE: ONE WILD RIDE

  SNEAK PEEK: THE SPY RING

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ELIZABETH LYNX’S BOOKS

  THANK YOU

  STORIES by ELIZABETH LYNX

  Cake Love Series (standalone)

  The Payne in the Blog (FREE)

  Rules of Payne (Kindle Unlimited)

  The Attraction File (Kindle Unlimited)

  One Wild Ride (Kindle Unlimited)

  The Spy Ring (special 0.99 cent pre-order price)

  Him Her Them Series

  Her Night with Him

  Get latest alerts, releases, sales, and exclusive stories (like the Dirty Hands serial) by signing up for Elizabeth Lynx’s newsletter. READ the inspiration for Dirty Hands that was a finalist in a short story contest INSTANTLY  http://bit.ly/NwsltrDHinspire

  Introduction

  These posts first appeared on my website as a character blog called Payne in the Blog. This started all the way back in December of 2014. I decided to publish the post as a compilation for a book. So, each chapter in this book is a blog post from my website.

  If you want to learn more about the characters then you are in luck. I have created a series called Cake Love inspired by these blog posts. There is Rules of Payne, which is the standalone book about Morgana Drake and Henrik Payne. The Attraction File is the second standalone about Evaleen and Edgar, some of the characters in this blog. One Wild Ride which is the third standalone about Morgana’s roommate Aria Dixon. And, the final standalone book in the Cake Love series, The Spy Ring, is about Tiffany, who makes a small appearance in these blog posts. Her book comes out in April 2018 and has a special 0.99 cent pre-order price.

  I hope you enjoy Morgana Drake’s blog posts about her jerk boss, Henrik Payne.

  Chapter 1 - THE Interview...

  Have you ever thought, I can leave, no one will know? I can just go live in the woods, preferably warm like down south, and just spend my days living off the land.

  This is what is running through my brain as I sit in an office building in downtown Chicago awaiting my fate. Everything is glass and wood and white and gray. It's a modern architect's wet dream and I'm wet too, but in all the wrong places.

  Today I have an interview. Not just any interview for any job, but THE interview for THE job. I will be (fingers crossed!!!) Mr. Henrik Payne's assistant. He is VP of Sales and Marketing at Mimir, the third largest on-line retailer in the world and from what I hear a ball buster or vagina smasher, depending on what you have.

  Preparation for this interview started eight years ago when I graduated college. Every job I have taken since I walked off that University stage with a diploma in my hand I sought for the sole purpose that it will impress a man like Mr. Payne. I imagine the interview will go something like this:

  "So, Ms. Drake I see you worked as a Sales Manager at VonCroy Department Store and Assistant Secretary to the Dean at University of Chicago. Impressive. I know the Dean personally, what would he say about your work?"

  I of course will wax poetic about how the Dean loves me and I am like a daughter to him. Well, maybe not a daughter, but third niece twice removed. Subsequently, I will mention about how both jobs have given me the valuable experience to not only handle a multitude of personalities but also think on my feet. Employers love that!

  "Ms. Drake!"

  The feminine voice rips me from my fantasy and I turn my head to see a tall blonde about my age and built like a model. She gives me a sweet, if not exactly sympathetic, smile as she motions towards THE door.

  "Ms. Drake, Mr. Payne will see you now."

  I gather my bag and follow her as she leads me to THE door. One knock.

  "Enter."

  A man's deep voice echoes through the door. Here's my chance, fight or flight. Perhaps living off the land isn't that bad. Who needs modern medicine or dentistry or hamburgers? Oh god, I do. I need all those things. As the blonde -- who told me her name when I first arrived but due to massive nerves her name is nowhere to be found in my brain -- enters the room I too follow.

  "Mr. Payne, this is Morgana Drake, she is interviewing to be your assistant."

  I step out from behind her and see a man at a large modern wood desk with his head down tapping at his phone. His arm lifts and he points to a chair in front of his desk. Squaring my shoulders I stride in a confident manner to the appointed chair, lower myself and plaster the most syrupy sweet smile on my face. Here goes nothing!

  Mr. Payne's head lifts and in that moment the years of planning, research, petty jobs that caused blisters too numerous to count, and good old fashioned hard work dissolve into a cloud of fog. A thick, stifling fog that is blurring my vision and making it hard to breathe. I can't think. The only notion that keeps entering my brain is ... hot damn, he's gorgeous.

  My fingers curl at my side to prevent them from molesting his thick brown hair. They want to do silly things like play hairdresser. I try to turn my attention away from his hair to his eyes, which just makes it worse. They are a cloudless blue and I think I can hear the faint sounds of
a seagull in the distance. Okay, Morgana focus on his strong nose or chiseled jaw or his ... oh god I can't stop myself. Now I am wet in all the right places.

  This. Is. Not. Good.

  Chapter 2 - THE After Effects...

  It's been three days since THE interview and as I mentioned in my previous post Mr. Henrik Payne is known to be a ball buster/vagina smasher and a very handsome one at that. I am starting to think that's not the correct phrasing when describing the man. A more appropriate analysis is silent but deadly. To get a full understanding of what I am explaining, I'll take you back to the beginning. It all starts on a beautiful autumn day, the year 1985. A young couple named Annette and James Drake ... oh wait that is WAY too far back. Let me start again.

  When I last left you I happened to be sitting in a sticky fog of hormonal hyperventilation. It takes a few minutes for that to clear and for me to come back to my senses. At one point Mr. Payne becomes so alarmed at my state he directs me to lie on his couch until I feel well enough to continue with the interview. To say I am mortified greatly undersells the situation. At this moment, as color returns to my face, I start to plan my suicide. Death by pints of ice cream, candy bars and hours of 30 Rock reruns.

  Eventually I do complete the interview which isn't at all how I imagined it to be. Mr. Payne stares at his phone, computer or my resume the whole time. Every few minutes the interview is interrupted with phone calls or emails he "just has to deal with." I take it as a sign of his typical working day and adjust my answers accordingly. Even his rapid fire questioning I accept with ease, despite my earlier mishap. What I am not prepared for is his robotic like expression.

  I will let you in on a little secret. Something that has allowed me to work my way up the corporate ladder so quickly. I can read people. There are tiny little tics and facial expressions people give off without realizing it that can tell me everything I need to know. I learned this trick from my roommate, Jan, in college. She was a psychology major. Apparently there is a whole field of study in the area of body language.

  Anyway, like the desperate woman I am I try to read this man's face. Nothing. Not even a flush of his cheeks. So, I have to just give my answers as best I can and pray to the mighty god THE, ruler of all things THE, that he/she will see fit to make Mr. Payne like what comes out of my mouth.

  This is when the silent part enters the story. The interview ends, only I have no idea it is finished because he never tells me. I just sit there like an idiot smiling at him, trying not to fantasize about his strong arms as he continues typing away at his computer. Finally he stands and leaves the room. I remain seated for another fifteen minutes until the blond woman who originally showed me into the room comes back.

  "Ms. Drake. The interview is over. Mr. Payne left this for you."

  She walks over to where I am still seated, handing me an envelope and then exits. Stunned, I pick up my bag and make my way out to the lobby elevators. One opens and I step into the barren box. I must have really pissed him off, if he left without a word. Perhaps he became aware of my leering. As I make a mental list of all the possible things that could have ruined the interview, almost fainting topping the list, I glance down at the envelope and decide to open it. My shaking hands rip the paper and pull out the white letter with the black Times New Roman typeface. My eyes widen and my brain takes a few seconds to comprehend the words spaced neatly on the page.

  I bring my hand to my mouth to stifle the scream that fights to break free while tears run down my face. How is this even possible?

  Chapter 3 - THE Letter...

  I feel sick as in I-shouldn't-have-had-the-last-half-of-the-eggnog-latte sick. Have you ever read something that isn't quite right, so you read it several times before the words actually sink in? That is my reaction to Mr. Payne's letter. It's ... odd. I still have no idea if I got the job. You can read it and be the judge (and let me know I'm not crazy!).

  Dear Ms. Drake:

  Thank you for your time today. Our meeting was quite informative.

  I'm going to stop right here for a moment. These first two lines are standard. He most likely uses these sentences on every business correspondence he has and probably some personal ones. Imagine him sending an email to a girlfriend: Dear Bimbo (because I imagine that is the type of woman he dates ... what? Stop looking at me like that!); Thank you for the blow job today. It was very relaxing.

  Anyway, back to the letter ...

  You need to be here at 8:15 a.m. sharp tomorrow. Please meet with Mr. Greg Shapiro the manager in the mailroom located in the basement. He will dictate what you are to do over the course of the week.

  I will stop here too because ... what ... is ... that! Why is the manager of the mailroom overseeing my week? I didn't interview to be his assistant only to wind up a mailroom clerk. At this point I keep reading those two lines over and over again believing I have gone temporarily insane. Finally giving up, I move on.

  Head to HR to handle your paperwork. I like my coffee black.

  Sincerely,

  Mr. Henrik Payne

  Vice President, Sales & Marketing at Mimir

  That last line: I like my coffee black ... okay? See, this is what I am talking about. Confusing, right? That's what I thought, so I take the elevator back upstairs to the 28th floor. I march over to Mr. Payne's office door, it’s closed, so I knock.

  "Who is it?"

  His deep voice rumbles through the door. I choose to be bold, not wait for permission to open the door, and march in demanding that he explain himself.

  So I crack open the door just enough to pop my head through and say, "Mr. Payne?" In a voice so weak if I had strep throat he would have had a better chance at hearing me.

  "Who are ... Ms. Drake?"

  I open the door farther and step just inside, leaving the door ajar in case I need to bolt. So much for my boldness.

  "Mr. Payne, I have a question with the letter you left me."

  He groans and moves his attention back to his computer, clicking away with his mouse.

  "It should be self-explanatory Ms. Drake. You need to start work tomorrow at 8:15. What about that confuses you? You did just interview for the job did you not?"

  My heart is pounding in my ears as I feel a bead of sweat slowly trickle down the side of my face. I am glad Mr. Payne isn't looking at me because now he can't witness a woman melting into a gooey mess of fear. I clear my throat before continuing, willing my voice to sound strong even if my body refuses to cooperate.

  "Yes, I interviewed to be your assistant, not a mailroom clerk."

  He stills mid type. I watch as his fists clench and he carefully swivels his chair to face me. My mind is screaming at me right now. She's telling me, Why did you poke that hornets' nest with a stick?

  "Ms. Drake. I am not in the habit of explaining my orders to anyone, least of all my assistant. But, if you must insist in harassing me I will explain a few things, so you can leave me in peace. I have rules, for myself, and anyone who works for me. The number one rule is know this company from the ground up. In order to understand this business and the people who run it, you will have to get to know them and what they do. So, each week I will have you working in a different department until I feel you understand enough to assist me in helping it function. Are we clear?"

  I nod my head as my voice has long since packed her bags and left the building. Traitor!

  "Now leave before I regret my decision in hiring you. Oh, and everything in that letter is a part of your duties for this week, even getting my coffee in the morning. I arrive by 8:30 and expect it then. Goodbye Ms. Drake."

  I clear my throat and bribe my voice to return with thoughts of warm tea.

  "Thank you Mr. Payne."

  I leave, closing the door behind me. I take two steps and collapse to the ground. My body giving out from the stress of the day with the dueling feelings of joy and fear racking my insides. I sit on the gray carpet looking at the wool pills in the floor trying to gather my thoughts when I hear a d
ifferent male voice from above.

  "Are you all right? Here let me help you."

  I look up to see a man who could easily pass for a Nordic god if he wasn't wearing a navy suit with a red tie. If Thor met Brad Pitt, defied the laws of reality and biology, had a three way with David Beckham which then produced the man reaching down for me. I stare at his hand unable to handle two hot men in suits in one day. Is it a requirement that all the male employees be studly? If so, thank God I got this job!

  Regaining my senses I take his hand and come to standing.

  "Thank you. I just tripped on the carpet." I lie trying to save face.

  The Thor/Pitt/Beckham love sandwich chuckles and gives me the sweetest, heart arresting smile.

  "I keep telling my brother to replace the carpets, but it's the one area he is cheap about. Oh, and the coffee here is crap, he's cheap with that too."

  "So ... so ... you're Mr. Jacob Mimir's brother?"

  He holds out a hand for me to take.

  "Yes, Edgar Mimir at your service m'lady. And I don't think I have had the pleasure of being introduced?"

  He takes my hand, gives a light tip while bowing in jest. I stutter my responses in shock by the day’s events, first the job and the boss attached to the job and now meeting the owner of the company's brother.

  "I'm ... I, uh ... I mean I'm Morgana Drake, Mr. Payne's new assistant."

  He winces after I say Mr. Payne's name and sucks in a breath.

  "Oh ... No!" The gorgeous one exclaims.

  Chapter 4 - THE Paperwork...

  Edgar's mouth is wide open as his eyes stay fixed on me. Perhaps he's having a stroke as he hasn't moved for about a minute now, just staring. I wave my hand in front of his face, which seems to snap him out of his catatonic state.

  "I'm sorry. No one should have to suffer with the Payne. Well, to apologize for my sex and for this company for making you have to work daily with the Payne, I must take you out to lunch. And don't think of saying no because then I will be forced to stalk you until you agree. I don't know if you will like being woken up in the middle of the night with rocks being thrown at your window."